A Glimpse Into an Anxious Mind

Hello to my readers!

I have struggled with an anxiety disorder since I was a child.  At the time I did not know that anyone else ever felt the way I did.  In fact I had no idea it was even a medical condition.  All I knew is that I worried all the time.  People around me called me a worrier.  Finally, as a teenager I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.  I was relieved to finally have a name for my condition, and I wasn't alone.

When we talk about "anxiety"  this is a general term.  Everyone has some anxiety.  It is a natural response in our minds to create an urgency that helps us complete a task.  There is an array of anxiety disorders ranging from mild to severe.  Some experience unwelcome thoughts of events that are unlikely.  For instance, I have an overwhelming fear that a stray bullet will come through my window when I am in bed.  While this is possible it is extremely unlikely to happen.  I have to take the time to tell myself, " that fear is irrational. "   As a child I could not sleep at night.  I remember once I stayed up all night because I thought my home would catch on fire.  When "anxiety" interferes with your day to day living then its possible that you may have a "disorder"

I live with negative thoughts everyday.  I play them over and over in my mind even though its painful.   I have scary thoughts about what might happen to my child at school that day.  The anxiety in my head screams at me to not send him.  For me I just have to pray.  I ask God to watch over him.  I tell myself that I have prepared my son for this and I have to allow him to grow and to learn.  My mind will try to justify homeschooling him, but I know that is not best for my son, considering his personality and social needs.  That is the anxious part of  myself talking.  Its never easy.  I can go into a full panic just over an imaginary scenario my brain has created.  Its exhausting worrying about everything.... plus things that aren't even real.

I do not know why I am this way.  I have spent an extensive amount of time researching on the internet, reading books, and talking with others who have a similar situations.  I mean of course I have.... that is my super power right?  Stressing about literally EVERYTHING!  It is important to be educated about your condition, but to be obsessed, that only aggravates the condition.

Something I find helpful for me is to not worry about things I cannot control, and really that's everything.  Once I give up the feeling of wanting to control a situation I free myself.  I used to worry that one day gravity would cease to exist...........  Now, I know that this is not a logical thought, still though I used to be concerned about this.  Do I have the power to stop this occurrence, if it were to take place? NO!  If another country sends missiles to destroy our country can I stop it? NO! Therefore, I do not concern myself with these types of things.  Honestly, I unfollowed the news Facebook pages because it created such fret for me.  I have to do what is best for me to manage my anxiety.

Everyone experiences anxiety differently I think we have to allot a time in which we educate ourselves about our condition.  Then seek out whatever works for you.  There are many sources of management available.  Personally, I write in a journal, make art, take baths, and vent to friends.  Check out my recent blog on 15 Coping Strategies for Anxiety and Depression if you are interested in learning about other ways to manage you anxiety.

If its you out there and your have consuming thoughts that are controlling your life.  You are not alone.  There is help out there.  It is a good idea to talk about this with your doctor, or a therapist.  There is medication available to treat your condition, or if you prefer a non-medication route there are resources out there available to you as well.

I can understand if my readers feel that this has been rambling.  Let me explain it this way.  If you do not suffer with an anxiety disorder  I know this is hard to follow.  That is why I titled this "A glimpse Into an Anxious Mind"  This is a very small description of what people like me endure on a daily basis.  This is me and this is my struggle.